Uni? Kill him. Work? Who's she? Snacking? I would sacrifice my own nan for a discounted box of millionaire shortbread. And for this trialling journey that you have been on, I too will send you packets of biscuits in the post (can't promise there will be any biscuits left in there but for you - and only you - I shall try).

THANK YOU FOR RETURNING HOME TO US (me and my fridge) WE HAVE MISSED YOU. I had wondered why it'd felt so empty around here lately. Your talent leaves a supermassive black hole in it's wake when not around. For the sake of Earth's survival (and also because I'm a Big Fan™) I'm glad you're back.

At this point though it's not even fan-girling/fan-boying/fan-cosmicentitying because I even showed my dad your comment. We weeped. He booked an observatory on a French mountainside for our wedding (always wanted to get married in one of those) and now all we have to do is a seven week long cake tasting. We are no longer fans, me and you. We are in love.

I imagine in a parallel universe I might be a caricaturist or a botanist or somewhere asleep on the moon — but here, I am a writer.

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